The oriental Jerk

Ever saw a 28 year old kid?. I once had the privilege of living in the esteemed presence of one. And the first thing he is gonna do if he ever comes across this "piece" is to make a gloomy corny face and nod his head approvingly. Wish if his curses remained just curses as always.

Well before I saw him I heard about him, but the contrast in looks caught me offguard. First time I met him, he was doing the only thing he ever did with conviction and control..... Smoking. Moving in with him was as easy as rampaging a sand castle. Not before long did I realize that I have made a big semi-mistake.

The protagonist under the scanner is some sort of multifaceted kid. Each one adorning different attributes of a child. For easier understanding let me introduce the faces first.

1. Imagine a kid making a gloomy face if some one f....ed his girlfriend. Well that's exactly the face this guy is going to make if you tried cooking non-veg in the kitchen or even proposed doing so.

2. Ask a 5 year old kid to tell you the story of "tortoise and hare", I bet the kid will take the best effort to make sure you understood him using overemphasis on words and actions. So will our guy if you ever asked him about any thing, be it be "the use of a cigarette butt". And the amount of prosopopoeia is that much at some point of time you will actually start feeling you are "the cigarette butt".

3. You want to make him cry....... Tell him he had horns like a horse and run away. Making kids cry might turn a tough task at times.

4. Does daily tasks like cleaning the kitchen and stacking books with more dedication and effort than kids play "doctor and patient". Effective though.

5. Make and suggest liquor cocktails like a 3 year olds watercolour painting.

6. Should be frequently fed with milk or milk products, more frequently than newborns be breast fed.

7. God only understands.....May be kids too, his choice of women.

8. Reasons to be angry...........Kids here's your leader.

9. Reasons to be upset........Sorry no apparent reason. Kids you have some possible reasons to suggest?

10. Amount of uptime on a normal day.....Directly proportional to the amount of milk consumed and no hours spent on mesmerising antique hindi flicks. Kids all you need is some popcorn and a cartoon channel.

11. More melodrama....More appealing and satisfying. Like more the free time, the more happy kids are.

12. To break off.....Tell him he is a jerk. Where as you can ask a kid to just keep away.

13. He plans no better than how kids plan to go to heaven.

Enough of attributes. Try some qualifiers:

Madir Baba
Rathan Lal Baba
Lotan Baba
Spider Baba
Baba Lal Charlie
Baba
Father of melodrama
Buddha
Harry ( Courtesy : Tom, Dick and Harry)

The postulates of Baba

1. Mansoor is the epicenter of Bigbang.

2. Every body need to go one day ( Don't really know where......Guess its the barber shop) the sooner the better.(Ah...Can't be anything other a than the barber shop)

3. Coital Alignment Technique (Also called CAT) is not the end of the world. There is some sort of civilization/ life beyond.

4. The day on which milk gets costlier and more efficient than crude is not far. If there is a world war three that's going to a shuffle over milk producing regions. And that's when Mansoor will be the superpower.

5. Civilization started, boomed and spread out from Mansoor.

6. Strongly suspect devil seduced Eve with a tin of "sreekand" and not an apple.

7. Man invented "sreekand" well before wheel and fire.

All apologies, though I might have already found an priority space in your miles long list of mortals heading for eternal damnation and everlasting darkness.